Friday, 31 August 2012
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The Biopsy of a mole: Not Atypical Day.
I was in the process of discussing health insurance with a patient when I saw my iphone light up from the corner of my eye. Today was day seven, I've been approaching today with some positivity and uneasiness. The Dermatologist told me the results would take 5-7 days. I wasn't sure how I wanted the results approached, at one point I had talked myself into a peaceful denial " I am only 29, it's the hormones showing, I am a hypochondriac, and I want to enjoy my holiday weekend worry free" I also got a little jittery at times and swore that I was going to get on the phone and demand those results, because I had to show cancer who it was possibly messing with. In the end I didn't call because of superstitious reasons that demanding an answer could jinx me. I somehow kept my conversation with the patient going even though my mind was far away in cancer land.
When I listened to the voicemail it was the dermatologist personally. I heard his voice....I swore I shit my pants. This has to be so so bad. I returned his call and tried to take down everything he was telling me without actually breaking down at any words I didn't like to hear.
His phone manner surpassed his shitty bedside manner and he explained my mole biopsy. The results came back "severely atypical" he did stress that no cancer was found, but described it as somehow pre-cancerous and happy that we removed it when we did. He also explained that all of the margins came back clean ( apparently meaning still no cancer cells) but that he would still like to send me to a surgeon to remove more skin around the area. I don't quite understand this, especially because the margins are clear, on the other hand it does make sense for preventative reasons because this sort of thing could possibly return.
I did receive good news but it still felt like a freight train hitting me. I quickly called for coverage of my office while I stealthy snuck back to the bathroom to sob all of my emotions out of me. I may be a hypochondriac but I refuse to look like an overemotional psychotic employee. I cried for quite sometime, not exactly sure why. IT WASN"T CANCER!!!!STOP!! ACTING CRAZY! I think I was just overwhelmed with finally receiving results after all that worry.
Do you think I am satisfied though ? I still have sat here worrying myself about how close to cancer I was and which one of these filthy little fucker moles that cover my body is going to kill me ? I stare them down to intimidate them. In all honesty I do wonder what is brewing under every little mark, and I am trying my best to just be happy with the news I received.
This is the first time something moderately serious has happened to me, and I am having a weird time handling it. I am the type of person who loves perfection. I'd restart the Mario game if I didn't get the bonus mushroom because I wanted a perfect point level. It seems like anything wrong, any kind of ailment is unacceptable. Who the hell want's to live tarnished ??!
Anyway, the hospital was very fast at calling and scheduling the rest of the removal in a few weeks. I plan on annoying the shit out of everyone I meet there and asking for one more look over. I am glad my Derm caught this one but he looked me over a little too quickly without looking under my panties and bra...and without asking me to lift my arms to reveal the hide and seek mole on my armpit. Hopefully I can rest with one more look over.
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Comments (9)
I hope it all works out. I have known people with far more widespread cancers, who have survived twenty years, thus far, without a recurrence of malignancy.
O.O ::HUG:: I'm so glad they caught it early!!!! The unfortunate thing about skin cancer is they have an early onset & people tend to ignore them. Better safe than sorry.The extra skin removal is what I call insurance. Just to be on the safe side. The thing with cancer cells is they grow fast & haphazardly so even in atypical samples, they remove extra skin around the site to be sure they got all of the mole. You have every right to be anxious & worried but knowing this will be behind you soon is the best remedy.
I dont blame you for being cautious either but dont let the worry consume you if you have other moles. Just do a skin check every month & watch for abnormal changes or new moles.
Could your tears and sobbing be expression of relief? You'll be ok, and this is just the beginning of making sure you stay healthy. Political or not, it's basically our own responsibility to maintain our health! I just came home from the first dermatologist appointment -- my GP noticed a mole on the bottom of my foot -- apparently those are particularly susceptible to turn to melanoma. She took a biopsy, and will call me in 7-10 days. I know I'll worry about this till I hear, and perhaps for another 10 if they have to take the entire mole off.
@RighteousBruin - Thank you, it's all reassuring.
@Shinbi_Belldandy - You're so very sweet. Thank you for reading! I think I just need some days to go by to get over the potential scare. Things will be better when all is over.@slmret - Best of luck to you. My sobbing did have to do with a release of tension, I am still very scared though, it seems like a young age to have to worry. That sounds so ridiculous when children are dealing with diseases, I just have a full life ahead with skin care worries. The 7-10 days feels like forever, especially when the weekends don't count. I took reassurance in the fact that even if it did come back melanoma it is very treatable in the early stages.It's almost like a blessing. I thought skin cancer was a humorous cancer almost nonexistent cancer until my grandfather passed away from melanoma in 2008.
I can see why you would be concerned, especially with your grandfather's situation. I read a Saturday Evening Post issue on skin cancer in my high school days and was terrified that the polyp mole on my waistline was cancerous. I don't know why I never asked a doctor about it until many years later. Now in my 50s I have what looks like moles popping out all over (can't remember the term for the little buggers), the late outcome of all my childhood sunburns. My dermatologist has removed a few that bugged me because of their location, but so far they've been benign.
Blessings to you. I hope recovery from the procedure is not too painful.
Sunscreen is my friend... I had a mole taken from my nostril and I know how hard it is to wait and wait for the results. I'm relieved that it was not cancer. Caution is necessary. You know the saying: Better safe than sorry!
Hey,
Don't stress yourself out too much because that will only make things worse....especially your hypochondriac-ism.I know this because I am a hypochondriac,too, and have several moles that I get checked every year.Each of my moles are dark brown and ad big as a pencil eraser, but they are non-cancerous.My doctor recommends getting them removed, soon, so I probably will have to. I had one twice that ^ size removed from my face when I was around,like,5 or 6. Now I have 4 on my chest, on by my eyebrow,one BIG one under my knee, and a smaller one a little below my mouth on the right side.And you're right about your doctor removing more skin from around where the mole was....it's a prevenative measure (my mom is a nurse and told me this when they did that ^ to my face after I had the Witchy Mole removed from by my nose).So you'll be OK,I promise !PS I call it my Witchy Mole because the one on my face was by my nose, HUGE, and purple-y brown,YUCK!
@Roadkill_Spatula - I really could kick myself now. I am dark haired and olive type skin, I had no idea that this would be a problem of mine. Hopefully I fix my skin now. I used to love sunbathing with baby oil.
@murisopsis - From this point on I am all about the sunscreen!
@Want2FitIn2Fat2Fit - Those are very comforting words. On the upside to all of this....anyone who needs lesions removed it is such a piece of cake. I've never had one removed on my face though. I need to keep my eye on all of my moles, noone of them are bigger than a pencil eraser however I have tons and tons on my shoulders and arms brought on by the sun.
@seladore - All mine are from the sun,too...The one on my face wasn't but then I got burnt at the ocean...so bad had blisters on over 60% of my body....yeah it SUCKED so now I have big moles but they say they're not pre-cancerous or anything, but I am super scared of skin cancer. Plus I am a hypochondriac already :P